


The Beginning

by orphan_account



Series: Stealing Bofur's Hat and Other Dumb Schemes in Which Fili Pleads the Fifth [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Bofur is awesome, Dis is awesome, Fili and Kili are true bros, Fili is completely innocent, Kíli is awesome, New series, Thorin is awesome, basically everyone is awesome, but not completely, dumb ideas, literally no one can cook, near death is funny, ok mostly crack-fic, slight crack-fic, so stupid you might feel bad, the occasional OC - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-22 17:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6088279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili comes up with a bunch of dumb ideas and Fili has no other choice but to follow along in his insane younger brother's steps...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kili was bored. And when Kili got bored, bad things happened. For one, there was that time he set Thorin's boots on fire, and then that other time when he did the dumbest thing imaginable to anyone. 

He stole Bofur's Hat. Now, you may have noticed that "hat" is capitalized. Why? Because you capitalize proper nouns. And Bofur's hat is so sacred that it is practically a proper noun. It's only practical, really.

Let's start with setting Thorin's favorite pair of expensive leather boots on fire.

It was a complete accident. Kili was around 3 years old (in human years). He wobbled around unsteadily, following his older brother everywhere. So when Fili went to clean out the wooden shelter where the ponies where kept, Kili followed, sucking his thumb and cooing as only young children can do. Dis had no chance of stopping the younger brother, and made no move to even try.

Once the brothers had reached the ponies, which were kept about 20 yards from the house, the sun was already beginning to fade from the sky. Fili, having learnt many skills from his uncle from his visits to the forge, carefully lit a lantern and started to clean. Little Kili plopped down on a bale of hay and sucked his thumb, staring intently at the flame. He watched his brother sweep the floor and replenish the ponies' water supply, and then it was time to go.

Kili immediately grabbed the lantern when Fili made to snatch it up. "Kili! I need to carry it back to the house. It's dark out." Kili's bottom lip started to tremble, though the child was no where near crying. Fili rolled his eyes and started towards the house, keeping a careful eye on the toddler carrying an open flame next to him.

But they reached the house with out accident. Kili garbled happily at the back door and tried to talk to his brother. "Fee! I de it! I de it!" Fili just took a deep breath and forced a smile. Kili then noticed something. A big pair of dark boots sat before the door. Kili cocked his head.

Fili had lit the lantern to make the dark go away. Kili could make the dark go away! So, the black pair of boots was doomed to die. 

He set the flame carefully by the boots and began to pull off his own. Fili had just finished what Kili had just started, and noticed the flame by his uncle's boots. "No!" He made to grab the candle, but it tipped, slowly igniting Thorin's prized, twenty-gold-coin boots. Kili clapped his hands and laughed as the boots burned. Fili screamed, and his uncle came rushing out the door, with his mother close behind.

"Fili! Kili! What-" He noticed the flaming boots. Thorin screamed. He tore at his majestic locks of hair. He fanned his boots frantically. 

Dis puffed out her cheeks and blew a deep breath. "Kili," she said calmly. "Go and fetch me a bucket please." Kili smiled toothily (with as many teeth as he had) and ran into the house, returning quickly with the wooden bucket kept in the kitchen. "Fili, be a dear and run down to the creek and fetch me some water." Fili quickly grabbed the bucket and sprinted to the nearby creek. He returned within seconds, and dumped the water on the boots. Thorin was still fanning them. When the fire was extinguished, Dis grabbed Kili and Fili by the hand and smiled (sarcastically) sadly at her brother. "We'll leave you alone to grieve. Dinner will be ready soon."

And Thorin was left alone with scorched leather boots and a flickering candle. And he had had such a good day.


	2. Wear and Tear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bofur's hat gets stolen, but at least it's not on fire.

Bofur had a wonderful day. His shop was doing well, Bifur was in a great mood, and Thorin had just bought drinks for everyone in celebration of some big order put in to the forge. It was a rare day, with the would-be-king smiling and laughing, able to enjoy himself. Bofur was right in the middle of everything, dancing and singing, playing his flute for the whole pub to hear. He didn't even mind when his beloved hat fell off and was carried away in the crowd, and that showed just how drunk he was. 

Two little dwarrows were able to sneak out of the pub easily, carrying a raggedy old hat between them, giggling furiously. The elder of the two momentarily thought about what could go wrong with this plan, but was swept up in the adventure of it all. The boys ran quickly into the woods behind their house, and climbed the tallest pine, otherwise know as their secret hideaway. (Mostly because Thorin wasn't as...prime...as he used to be.) Kili held the hat, inspecting the old thing closely. He poked his finger through one of the holes and wiggled it around. His older brother snatched the hat back and scrunched up his face. "Kili, remind me again why we need Bofur's hat?" "For a 'spearment. Bofur said the hat was magic," was his intelligently formed response as the hat was snatched back. Kili dangled Bofur's prized possesion over the edge of the thick branch they were perched on, ready to drop it. "I want to see if it flies." Fili smacked his forehead, and that caused him to be too late to stop Kili from dropping the hat. "Kili!" "Fili!" "Why!!!???" The brothers watched as the hat slowly drifted down before getting caught on a branch not far below them. Fili smacked his brother on the arm and hurried down the tree. Not surprisingly, Kili beat him to the hat. "Ok, ok. I got my 'spearment. We can return the hat." Fili was too shaken to correct Kili's grammar. What if Thorin found out? What if Bofur found out? "Hurry up Kili!" The two raced towards the exit to the forest, and that's when it all went downhill faster than a hobbit in a mound of gold. Kili tripped over a tree root, sending the hat flying. Fili almost caught it, but only managed to catch the edge, sending the hat spiraling into a puddlle. The brothers' eyes widened in horror. Oh Mahal, save their souls. Fili scurried to get the hat out of the dirty water. He picked it up with only his forefinger and thumb, looking at the mess of sopping wet fuzz. Kili grabbed the hat and did the best he could to wring it out. "NO MORE EXPERIMENTS!" Fili yelled at Kili, who just snorted. "I'm only 7." (Human years) "Yeah, 7 times screwed if Thorin finds out, or worse. Bofur." Kili gulped and sprinted away, Fili on his tail. They raced back to the pub, regreting everything. Fili was preparing his brother's eulogy when they entered the place, and saw their sanity being granted back. Bofur was passed out on the floor along with many others, and Kili was able to just slip the hat back onto Bofur's head where it belonged. They were safe. Until they turned around and saw the King Under the Mountain with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms. "Bofur will be happy to have the help of two such clever dwarrows at his shop for the next week, don't you think?" Fili never even got a chance to say that he was merely making sure Kili didn't get himself killed or something. Curse Durin's stubborness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the format, it won't let me do enters. Hope you enjoyed! I'll try to update some more, I've been pretty busy. I do have an idea though, and I think it'd be pretty cool. So be patient!
> 
> Peace.

**Author's Note:**

> So this it the series that I talked about it my other Hobbit story, Babble and Multiple Rambles. I finally got it up! And it took forever! BE GRATEFUL! Or don't, it doesn't really matter. Thanks for reading!
> 
> I've decided that each story in this series will have two chapter, with each chapter talking about a different dumb idea. So keep an eye out for updates! I'll most likely update this weekend, but probably before. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Peace.


End file.
